Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's top entertainers devoted the broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just announced visa program, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils all he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan that enables foreign individuals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" version for 5 million. The program's page promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought for you to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.